Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
