A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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