Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
