I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
