community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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