my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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