Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
