I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
