haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
