Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
