are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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