GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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