And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
