eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
