Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
