Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
