We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
