Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
