Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
