brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
