Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize