come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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