Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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