Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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