remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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