No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
