I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
