there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I could fuck to npr.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
