My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
