Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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