I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
