Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
