put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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