I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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