My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize