it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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