i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I party with great urgency now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
