Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...

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  (619): That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop... http://tfl.nu/9vfi
  Replies (3) Good night (2566) Bad night (478)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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  (703): Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out. http://tfl.nu/rmo5
  Replies (7) Good night (3402) Bad night (1019)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."

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  (203): So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm." http://tfl.nu/f62k
  Replies (19) Good night (3663) Bad night (964)
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  (916): View more from California

  Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

  (760): View more from California

  You are my hero

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  (916): Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI? (760): You are my hero http://tfl.nu/9mtt
  Replies (36) Good night (7351) Bad night (1184)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage

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  (630): he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage http://tfl.nu/nrg5
  Replies (39) Good night (1224) Bad night (13369)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level

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  (256): just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level http://tfl.nu/5gsk
  Replies (8) Good night (2981) Bad night (1061)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...

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  (904): she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room... http://tfl.nu/wehm
  Replies (8) Good night (3216) Bad night (1197)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

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  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12926) Bad night (1102)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

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  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (41) Good night (6524) Bad night (1242)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo

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  (208): The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo http://tfl.nu/5szi
  Replies (8) Good night (3543) Bad night (680)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.

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  (773): WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY. http://tfl.nu/ad4l
  Replies (11) Good night (1402) Bad night (639)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position

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  (954): tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position http://tfl.nu/ss2w
  Replies (5) Good night (1091) Bad night (456)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.

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  (202): I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll. http://tfl.nu/zni7
  Replies (6) Good night (753) Bad night (348)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail

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  (315): Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail http://tfl.nu/sj7w
  Replies (5) Good night (936) Bad night (509)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.

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  (570): Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan. http://tfl.nu/akru
  Replies (6) Good night (735) Bad night (463)

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