Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
