Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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