Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...