just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?