If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mom said you looked used
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
not ubering you a puppy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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