TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
