what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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