When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
