this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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