You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
