I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
