i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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