I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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