Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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