can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
