he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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