My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
