On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
