Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
