I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
