No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
