white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
