The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
