Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
