Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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