you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
