What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
