Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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