Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
