So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
