her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
