she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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