Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
