It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
