Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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