all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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