Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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