we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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