Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
